 News,
rants, verbal assaults from the past... |
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07-05
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All opinions expressed herein are
those of the author.
JUNE 2000 MINUTES ARCHIVE
So
closes another month at the Abattoir...
It's been a busy one as I've attempted to update as often as possible,
plus add a little more entertainment value with extra effort on graphics
(...for the same people who buy Penthouse just to look at the pictures,
cummon,... admit it, we know you're out there!..) The new
format seems to appeal to most, the Abattoir's
traffic has increased to about 2 thousand hits a month (...not too shabby
considering it's not an advertised site really...) Regardless,
I must express my deepest sympathies and apologize to the dialup modem
users who read the Abattoir
regularly, the graphical content has gone up exponentially and due to the
formats popularity, it's only going to get worse <GriN!>
The entire Abattoir
site is now however available on CD-ROM for
$29.95 + S&H (...U.S. residence add
$5, Quebec residence add $24 for international shipping charges...
Oops, wait... They're still part of Canada aren't they?..).
Looking
for something to do tonight!? Why not head out to Spencer
Smith Park in Burlington and check out Rampike!
They'll be playing in a free concert tonight and will be hitting the stage
at 8pm sharp... After hitting the stage, they'll get up, brush themselves
off then play a few songs. Did we mention free? Come on out
and support our local bands, tell them the Abattoir
sent you.
The
long weekend is upon us as we celebrate Canada's birthday (...void in
Quebec...) Hope you all have a safe and festive weekend, remember...
Light fuse, retire to a safe distance, do not hold in hand, try to avoid
shooting at your neighbours house -- even if he is a DickHead.
24 hours after announcing the date for BTM19,
we're almost full, keep 'em coming... Peace.
The date's been picked... Our first
"Basement BTM"
will be held on August 5th!
Please keep in mind, this is during a long weekend, so don't sign-up if
you're one of them there "Cottage on the Long Weekend" kinda' people.
Let's get the registrations underway! (...who knows, DickHead
may actually be gone by then!..)
 Yes,
you heard right... The "Get the DickHead
Out" Contest finished before it even got started!
A mere 8 hours after the page was opened, BillyBob takes the pot
which had grown to $30 already (...it would have been $75 in another
4 hours if we included who had sent in dates by the time 5pm rolled around...)
We estimate the pot could have quickly grown to over $300 in no time, but
time didn't even get a chance. BillyBob graciously declined the additional
wages (...unofficial since we had yet to receive the cash...)
Asked what he intended on doing with his new found fortune, "I'm finally
going to take that vacation to Hamilton I've always wanted." Sources
close to the Abattoir
inform us DickHead
took $6,000 less than asking price in order to sell quickly...
Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, like the feeling you got when
you climbed the rope in gym class, knowing we meant that much to him.
We're
still in the air regarding BTM19's
date, we hope later today to have the official date posted so stay tuned.
When the date's announced, get your registrations in ASAP, we're sure to
fill fast again. Geez, what are we going to bitch about now that
DickHead's
leaving us!? <SoB!>
DoH!!
Contest is over before it even got underway! After all that work
on the "DickHead Contest",
he gets his silent revenge by ruining our fun on the first day...
Yes, it's a sweet pain, but DickHead
now has a "Sold"
sign on his lawn! Our contest winner is "BillyBob",
congratulations Bill, that's a fast $30 profit for you! Time for
a Beer in the backyard to celebrate (...loudly...)
 Come
one, come all!! It's about to start, don't be left out! It's
the Official "Get the Dick Out"
contest! Head to the page and read all about it... Our enemy
the "Noise Nazi"
is running and now it's your turn to have fun with him... Just pick
the date (...or be the closest one to it...) that DickHead
gets his "Sold"
sign and you're a winner!! Check
it out!
  Looks
like CorpsE
was pretty confident on taking the Spam
again, he even brought over the last 3 Pak he won (...unopened, cuz
I don't think you can actually EAT Spam...) and placed it atop his
monitor in quiet defiance. Quake3:Arena using the Alliance
MOD was the game at BTM18,
we liked it so much, we've put up a dedicated server... The Gateway
worked like a charm, you can now set-up your computer, plug in and go!
We had people joining the action throughout the day as the rockets and
grapple hooks soared. Definitely a good time! LoneFart
and his brother Impaired
were in fine form all weekend long (...gastronomically speaking...)
-- Impaired
actually managed to evacuate the outdoor patio with a methane burst (...now
THAT'S impressive!..). LoneFart's
machine was branded with a warning label someone else brought in for him...
Not too sure if it's genetic, but these two really stink! The cables
and tables are folded and we're going to start moving it all downstairs
for BTM19 (...who's
date will follow shortly, stay tuned...). Cam
has actually composed a huge, and VERY funny Flash presentation about DickHead,
we'll have that up on the Abattoir
shortly. Due to the new Gateway server, be sure to take note of the
main IP number from the bottom of the main page, this is now for all Game
Servers and well as the Abattoir
SuperFTP Server.
We've
found an official name and an official game for DickHead!
New to the Abattoir,
Creach
came up with the name "DickHead the Noise
Nazi" and Redneck
came up with a great idea... Let's have a pool on when the "Sold"
sign is put up! Here's how we're going to work it... $2
for a day, $5
for three days. You pop the cash down, pick the days and the MeatCAM
watches (...like now...) for the second the "Sold"
sign appears... Closest guess takes all! We'll have a calendar
page up shortly to show who owes what blocks -- First come,
first pick on dates! You can reserve your dates by mail
now...
 It's
time for BTM18,
our last BTM
on the main floor before we redo the wiring and move it all to the LAN
room in the basement. Our game will
be Unreal Tournament with Quake3:Arena for the later half. Well be
having a frag filled bast-away of Unreal Tournament Last
Man Standing for the coveted "3 Pak of Spam"
award (...will CorpsE
hold the Spam Champion title!?..) The first 8 players eliminated
will be awarded the shameful "Baby Bottle Sucker Candy" trophies.
Everyone got their trigger fingers ready? Let's rumble!
Saturday
evening's also the annual OakPark Street Party, which we'll take a walk
to around the corner in the evening -- Join up to inhale the music, beer,
food, beer and fun and beer! The network's about to go down and we're
going to attempt switching to the Gateway... All going smooth, we'll
catch you Early Birds
tonight and the rest of the BTM18
clan tomorrow around noon. Bring your swim trunks if you want to
splash and cool off. For the rest of you, providing the Gateway works
according to specifications <GriN!>
check the MeatCAM
during the day and see how we're doing! If you want to join us over
the internet, pop into Unreal or Quake3:Arena and jump onto the Abattoir
Servers... We'll all be playing with
a ping of 5, so don't say we didn't warn you! Have a great weekend
and play nice...
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"Three 'sleeps' till
BTM18!" 09:45am Wed Jun 20, 2000
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Well, well... Looks like our D-Link
gateway has finally made an appearance
at the Abattoir.
We'll see if we can get that action in place for this BTM,
but no guarantees... If we can, that'll bring us to another level
of "Plug&Frag"
allowing players to join from the outside during the BTM
LAN Parties and we won't have to bring the
servers down during the BTMs.
BTM18
is fast approaching, as of this morning we've had two cancellations, so
MonkeySpunk and Creach make their first appearance. Be sure to keep
posted to the BTM
Listing if you're on the "Waiting List" for more last second cancellations.
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"Stop or I'll shoot!!"
11:00am
Fri Jun 16, 2000
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What another glorious evening at the Abattoir...
The For Sale sign's up now, DickHead's
grooming his lawn to attract choir boys, ‘er, I mean clients and even the
friendly police are hanging with us to make sure he "leaves quietly" <GriN!>
What could be better...
Kathryn went to violin lessons while a bunch of us hung in the
backyard having some cold ones and soaking up the weather... Every
time DickHead
walked into his back yard he was greeted with a rousing chorus of "Sha
na na na, Na na na naaaa, Hey hey hey... Good-bye!" (...we
are an evil bunch, but remember, he started it!..)
 
Just before Kathryn
was due back home from her lessons, Sgt.Slaughter
had a great idea, "Wonder if you could get the cop to pull Kathryn over?"
I didn't need any encouragement... off I went down the street to
chat it up with the officer. I explained "Mark's wife has major hots
for cops and firemen... she's a blonde driving a blue Saturn, give her
a hard time for us..." Two minutes later, an unsuspecting Kathryn
drives around the corner and WhaM!
With lights a'blazin' and a screech of tires, the cop comes from nowhere
and cuts her off head on... We stood on the porch and puked our guts
out laughing while the officer drilled her about the "rolling stop" and
such... Kath
was shakin' in her boots and apologizing for everything from her clothing
to her taste in music... The cop couldn't take it anymore and just
broke out laughing. (...Kathryn almost killed me...)
We do have our fun!
Burlington's
own "Sound
of Music Festival" started yesterday and runs all this weekend, check
out the action downtown at Spencer Smith Park. If you've never been,
you're really missing out! This is a bash that rivals the Abattoir
LAN Parties! <AheM!>Check
here for more information. Have a safe and festive weekend all...
 
All our dreams are confirmed! Just
last night a lock-box was placed on the front door of "DickHead's"
house for the real estate agent. It's now official and underway,
DickHead's
moving! This, just short months after he said (...and I quote...)
"I'm here for a long time, I'm not going to move..." Well, screw
with us and we'll drive you out! Redneck,
Terry and myself were enjoying a beer in the backyard after the discovery
and talking about what we could do when potential buyers are checking the
place out, "Perhaps we should just sit in the backyard with our pants around
our angles and masturbate furiously to a life-sized cardboard cut out image
of Barney
the Dinosaur... think that'll drive his price down?" Either way,
he's leaving and we're all thrilled. This would be a great opportunity
for anyone looking for a brand new home in a great new area... Best
of all, you'll be so close to the Abattoir
we'll run a direct network connection into your house! Just think!!
It truly is a wonderful day at AB Central.
To celebrate, we're having an all day "Nude
Dwarf Tossing" party, BYOD.
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"It'll be a hard drive
to win MeatGrinder2!" 01:00pm Tue Jun 13,
2000
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As the rain continues outside, clean-up
is under way inside as we scrape the hard drive bitties off the walls of
the autopsy room at the Abattoir
(...where it met its maker...). Time to look ahead to BTM18
which is just a short 11 days away... This may be the last
BTM <Dramatic Pause>
...on the main floor! (...Whew! Tempest
thought he lost his free Bagel supply for a second...). We're
considering doing a little "rewire" of the Abattoir
and move the entire LAN Party
into the basement. Advantages? Sure! In the summer it's
cold enough down there to hang meat (...don't get any ideas...)
and it would facilitate a more or less permanent set-up. Also I'll
not have to worry about Vitolagy
tramping all over my new home in his muddy shoes blackening the carpets
(...like I'm going to let you forget, Brandon!..). It only
makes sense, plus I might just paint the first floor at last! (...you
know, to get Brandon's hand prints off my walls...)
Been
getting a bit of feedback on BTM18's
game (...sorry Tempest,
Q3 was BTM17...)
and it looks like we'll get back into UnReal with some Q3 later, a little
60/40 mix, if you will. We've had several requests for a Quake
Classic BTM -- I'm not going to say too much
right now, but I think you may want to make sure you get into BTM20,
there could be a lot to GIGgle
about if you win the QClassic MeatGrinder2
(...did I give anything away?..) We'll see how BTM19
goes down there and space providing, we "might" expand our scope of "service"
with respect to HUB capacity (...which we're constantly being asked
to do...) That all said and done, BTM20
may have a little "something" you'll want to take home as champion of MeatGrinder2.
'nuff said, I don't want to drive
too many ideas into your mind, let's just say there'll be plenty on the
platter
if you drive
over for BTM20,
it'll be hard
to pass up so make sure your peripheral
vision is in good shape! (...gimmie' a break already!..)
Hey, did I mention my neighbour's a DickHead?
Our
dreams may in fact be coming true! Redneck
and myself were just out back relaxing over a cold one and soaking up the
sun... DickHead
was in his cubicle beside us with two friends over (...Hmmm, two friends...
I wonder how much that runs him a month...) and we overheard they are
in fact looking at homes. Redneck
(...who works at Royal LePage Commercial...) spotted an MLS listing
on DickHead's
lap... Oh God, please make it so!
You
can't say we didn't try! The drive platter transplant was a failure.
Patient's dead! We powered up the drive last night and it made more
noise then Sgt.Slaughter
when he eats. It was fun though. I really wasn't expecting
it to work, but it would have been nice!
Huge
news on the Abattoir
front... We've learned from a reliable source (Redneck)
that a known Real Estate agent was sighted exiting "DickHead's"
house with both a contract
and a cheque
yesterday! Redneck
called me over for a beer (...which is what non-social-introverts do...)
and asked me "what is the one thing that would make you happier then hell
right now?" (...I glanced at his wife, Kathryn
for a second...) then said "If DickHead moved..." He couldn't
believe I pulled that one out of my hat, I was right on the money.
Before we start rejoicing, we have to keep in mind, this is only preliminary
information... Nothing's confirmed as yet.
Gloating
over our victory, I announced I was going to buy his house, knock the walls
out, build a catwalk over to Redneck's
home and use the new assimilation as a Bar/LAN
Party/Pool Hall/Strip Joint. Redneck
concurs. Let's all have a moment of silent prayer and invision a
"Royal LePage" sign planted in his front lawn. Sorry to see you go,
"DickHead"...
I'll miss him (...then I'll back up and take another shot...)
The
drive platter transplant's complete, didn't have a chance to test it, so
we'll find out tonight if it was all for not. Have a great and safe
weekend!
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"Happy birthday Mom!"
09:30am Thu Jun 08, 2000
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Will it live!? Complications were
encountered during the tear down of the "donor" drive, the magnetic lock
for the drive head assembly had me a tad confused till the Molson Canadian
told me to just whack it with a big stick, after that all went well...
The actual platter transplant has been delayed due to lack of the "correct
tools". Rather then remove the spindle and motors using the wrong
drivers, I'm popping out to grab a new Torques set (...couldn't find
mine...). Hopefully tonight we'll have the transplant done then
find out how futile our efforts have been <GriN!>
At least it's been fun! What's more pathetic... doing this live on
the internet, or finding out that the MeatCAM
had over 200
hits last night!?
Looks
like (...starting today...) we're in for a geomagnetic
bombardment! This cosmic storm is going to pelt the earth with
charged particles for about 8 days... The last time this happened,
communications systems around the world felt the impact with numerous failures
including the total knock out of a satellite. Oddly enough my Cable
was dead this morning, but I'm sure that's not the solar storms fault,
it's just the space cadets at Cgocable again...
Damned!! Time to fire up the Abattoir
Bagel machine... Our first Bagel award
for finding a dead link (...and reporting it...) goes to Joel
McLean who noticed the Abattoir.Net
logo from the individual Warrior
Profile pages was a dead lead, thanks Joel, we'll get at that one first
thing in the morning... For now, it's Surgery time! As pathetic
as this is, the MeatCAM
page has been hammered today, I guess everyone wants to see this stupidity...
Hey, that's what we're here for!
Tonight's the night! The "clean
room" is ready, the compressed air stands ready, the tools have been boiled,
the hepa filters are running, the cats have been duct taped... We're
going in!! (...God help us all!..) Tonight at 7pm we
crack the seal of the hard drive and attempt to do our platter/motor/head
transplant from the donor drive. If this works, we save a thousand
and I get my porno, 'er, my data back... If it doesn't, at least
we got to dress-up and duct tape the cats. Check the MeatCAM
tonight and watch our progress! I really don't think it's going to
work, but we've nothing to loose other than Steve's 6.5Gig donor drive.
Anyone
notice we now have a weather link on the main page? Updated every
morning, you can mouse over the image for temperature and probability of
precipitation (POP) details, or click and go straight to The
Weather Network for full details. Hey, did I mention my neighbour's
a DickHead?
Looks like Steve
himself was the target for my second driving aggression outlash!
We both were leaving for work this morning and after pulling out of the
garage, I realized I'd forgot something, so assuming Steve had got into
his car, I back into the garage again -- SmaCk! Right into his open
door! Smooth move ExLax! That's two car related smucks in so
many months. Time to start walking I think!
Our transplant of the controller card
on my Digital Image/Web Drive did allow the BIOS to see the drive again,
but the drive would not come online (...just like the girls on the 976
numbers, <GriN!>...).
After closer inspection of the drive, it turns out the motor logic control
chip had blown its top, actually put a hole through the shield of the drive.
So we're going to attempt actual "Open Drive Surgery" tomorrow night!
We're scrubbing a room clean, cranking up the Hepa Filters and will be
dawning our surgical gloves and masks in our pseudo "clean room" to remove
the motor and platter from Steve's "donor" drive, and move them into my
defunk Seagate. We welcome you to watch Live on the MeatCAM!
We'll be turning the frame rate up a tad and you'll be able to watch us,
masks and all, do the surgery (...heart stopping!! Isn't it!?..)
Kathryn Pretty will be acting nurse (... you need a nurse for this,
don't you!?...) Check it out tomorrow (Wed) around 7pm.
Is
it the weekend yet!? I've been receiving a flood of email regarding
the Abattoir Morning Haha!!
Yes, we know it's been tardy, ListBOT is once again having problems delivering
in a timely fashion, all we can do is ride it out (...Tuesday's Haha!!
didn't deliver till Thursday, Nice!!..)
The
Warriors
Page is pretty much up to date now. Again, please check to make
sure you're on there and we have your email address correct. The
Abattoir's
Archives are taking shape finally, we've transferred this year and
last years files over and hope to have the rest done shortly... After
that's done, we'll begin image linking to the Warriors
Page. Other developments; Sgt.Slaughter's
been trying to get a controller for the 6.5Gig image drive that went "bye-bye"
this week, Seagate
actually wants $4,542 to "fix" the drive (...they won't just sell us
a controller card...) but as luck would have it (...and we DO mean
luck!..) it turns out Slaughter's
got the exact same drive in his machine, so we're going to grab it's controller
board and do a little transplant surgery to see if we can get the drive
out of its coma.
Any
input on what we're playing for BTM18?
I was thinking of taking a hack on Quake2 and a little UnReal Tournament...
We've not played Quake2 in quite some time. Let
me know what you all what.
Also,
a happy 30th to Lisa
Crawford... She hits that milestone on Sunday, but feel free
to badger
her yourself! I'm sure she'll appreciate it <GriN!>.
Oh
yeah, did I mention my neighbour's a DickHead?
Due
to popular demand, we've reverted BTM18s
date back to June 24th. We thought the bump ahead would be accommodating,
but it's put out Impaired, BitchNheat, BitchSlap and Wink so far...
Plus, Burlington's "Sound of Music" festival's on the weekend of the 17th
(...which is always fun...) so we're switching back! Impaired
has been added back into the rotation (...sorry PuNKeR...) and we'll
move on from here. This will also give us a bit of extra time to
get the D-Link Gateway in. Sorry if this has caused any inconvenience,
we're trying to accommodate everyone as best we can.
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