 Well…
Stick my wiener in a campfire and call me a cottage dude! Since it’s
apparently too dangerous to stick around in Oakville for fear of being
hit
by lightning, we once again retreated to the northern areas of Ontario
to enjoy a little cottage life. A couple “newbies” came up this time…
“Just follow me!” was the last thing I’m sure that echoed in their minds
as our exit off the 401 came up with little to no warning and I found myself
swerving up on two wheels to cut over the traffic and make the exit.
I can still see the look of shock and anguish on their faces pressed up
to the window as they passed us by watching us exit, unable to make the
completely stupid exodus from the highway that I just pulled off.
So… Hours and hours pass as we wait at an intersection some 60 minutes
up the road that “they can’t miss”, our hazard lights strobing in the night
like a metronome of boredom. Seems both insects and Police Officers
are attracted by these. After the second roadside check, one cop
decides to pull behind us, light up his 2.5 million-watt roof lights and
starts off with the typical; “How are you Folks this evening? When
was the last time you had a drink, Sir?” (...is it always an automatic
assumption from Police that a person's been drinking? I was about
to snap back with "Since we're being personal, when was the last time you
had sex, Sir?"...) I make the mistake of being honest and say
“about 4 hours ago when we left for the cottage”. Next comes the
“…and how many beers was that, Sir?”, to which I reply “a couple, three.”
“I can smell beer on your breath, Sir… Would you mind stepping out
of the car please?” (...I can smell the stench of your cologne,
Sir... But you don't hear me commenting...) Next thing
I’m in the back of the cruiser getting the “do you understand your rights”
speech and intricate instructions on how he would like me to blow into
his tube. After doing my duty, he asks me again, “So… How many
beers did you say you had?” (…and I thought cops were supposed to have
good memory…) “Two or three, Sir.” I maintained. He continues
to stare at the little electronic box of judge, jury and prosecutor…
“You’re sure?” – I was just so fed up at this point I was tempted to say,
“Hell, you’ve got me… You’re too smart for me, Sir. I’m just
curious as to how long it will take you and your estrogen deprived partner
over there to find the pound of weed I’ve got stashed under the driver’s
seat” but I digress… My mouth can be a tad lethal and I figured it
was in my better interest to just be polite. “This reading is coming
in at Zero, Zero point Zero”. Yes, Folks, proud to say I blew nothing!
(…get that smirk off your face you sick pig…) I looked at
him though the little “Plexiglas window’o’guilt” and said, “So… That’s
below the legal limit then?” Another ass-hole with no sense of humour.
He then told me he could smell it in the car, but can't now; "Perhaps you've
spilled some beer in the car then?" I just stared at him for a second
with a blank look of 'not impressed' on my face, "There's a loaded question,
huh Officer? How many people actually answer 'yes' to that one, Sir?"
Man, was he getting hostile (...and getting nowhere at the same time...)
Anywhooz, back in the car we sat awaiting our lost friends… To make
a short story long, we left and headed to the cottage and they were already
there. Nice!
Sunday night I decided to “call in healthy” and inform work I’m taking a professional “six years without a vacation” day off… As we were about to leave on Monday evening (…thus the lack in the Monday Haha!!..) I leaned over to the passenger window and yelled, “Just follow me!” to the same person I pulled the Evel Knievel highway exit on, then proceeded to backup with due force directly into a tree. Yup, the trunk was open and filled with garbage bags that had to be dropped off at the end of the lane and I was blind to the massive tree directly behind me. Nice end to the weekend, a little whiplash makes for fun the next day (…I’m going to sue me for everything I have…)
Congratulations
to StickyDragon
who won the V4 Force Feedback Wheel
from InterAct
Accessories at BTM26!
Hope you enjoy it! Get your name in for BTM27
now, we’re going to play Alliance (…tournament!..) and Serious
Sam! (…you heard right!..) Time to get the Gattling
Guns out!
 Looks
like it's BTM
week! Yes, folks… We're back now, thanks to Netgear’s
RT311 Gateway Router picked-up just this afternoon.
Let me get something straight, because it's not too often I actually get
“confused” <SmirK!>…
When you own a product (…let's just say, like a D-Link
D701 Residential Gateway, not to mention names…) and you go to the
manufacturer's site and notice there's a “Firmware Update”, doesn't that
mean there's a new revision that would have improvements, bug fixes, enhancements
to performance, new features e.t.c.? That's what I thought, however…
After my “update”, the Gateway went straight to left field and kept on
running. No matter what we did, it insisted on attempting to network
using PPPoE. I'm flexible, so I called Cogeco
and asked them to switch their network over to PPPoE, they said “No.” (…talk
about, not flexible…)
At the same time, our cable modem decided to take right field and keep on going… After a lengthy tech call to Cogeco, it was deemed the modem required exchanging. (…just an FYI, Cogeco Not every problem can be fixed by “rebooting” the cable modem 14 times…). I returned the defunked unit only to receive a dirty, cracked on the front unit that looked like a rugby player's ear… I turned the unit over and on the back where the two pin holes are (…the reset buttons…) there where a hundred scratches and pen marks around the holes. I said to the lady behind the counter, while pointing at the carnage on the back of the modem that it “didn't instill a lot of confidence”, she insisted that they're all tested and refurbished. I pointed out that they didn't have a nice coat of “Armor all” like the one I dropped off… Just a smile. Regardless, it works better than ever and after a 45 second install of the Netgear Gateway, we're back online and dishing out the crap as usual. (…Note to all, the Abattoir Morning Haha!! will once again be back after a 10 day sabbatical…) A huge "Happy 4th of July" to our American counterparts who spent the day blowing-up and shooting things... Oops, that's every day. Well, today it's done for a reason! Happy 4th guys! Okay!
So, BTM26 is
here and after expanding the hub, we still have a couple slots left, recruit!!
Grab your friend and sign him/her up! There's only a few days left! |
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"Bringing people together... so you can blow them apart!" |
Okay…
Let’s get down to real business. I’ve received a lot of email this
week, but since I took Monday off, it was mostly email saying “I send you
this file in order to have your advice” which of course was the great